im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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