as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
