there's paper in my vomit.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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