i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
