Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
