Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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