I CAN MOONWALK!
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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