"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
