she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
