Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
