This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
