I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
