you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
