the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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