you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Too much gin, very little bucket
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
