The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
