Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
