I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
