every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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