we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
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She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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