I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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