A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
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