you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
