i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
