Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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