My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Boobs are out for the taking
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
