oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
