Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
