in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Im part way to drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize