just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
