dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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