all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
