your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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