just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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