i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
