Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
