Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
