Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
