worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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