My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
