I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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