I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
