quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I should be a condom model.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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