Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
