You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
