I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
