I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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