The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Of course I have a pirate flag
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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