you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
