Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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