She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
