Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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