I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
