i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize