Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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