mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
