Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
