I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My ass is underappreciated
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
