So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
