i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
