What a fucking waste of an outfit
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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