But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We just shotgunned beers for America
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Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
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So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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