they need to just BURY HIM!
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
